things are...surprisingly....good. this weekend was possibly the CRAZIEST, MOST UNEXPECTED, RANDOM weekend of my life! but it flashed by like nothing and its over...and things are GOOD.

1. indus was GREAT! it was so stressful leading up to it, as usual, but more so because of boards and stuff. and it was so weird because nika wasnt here and we were only doing one dance, not to mention NONE of our class was in anything and the whole show was infiltrated with yr 1s and 2s. but really, it was a good show and i am so happy its over!

2. my mom came up and made me so much good food! and we had our usual heart to heart. she was so happy too see the performance and it was comforting to have her here...

3. everyones friends?! you know in the second season of greys where mcdreamy says something about "pulling a bandaid off...no anesthesia" yeah well i think thats comparable to this weekend. there were multiple band aid pullings, but it was okay to pull because the wounds underneath HAD healed....and the band aid was unessecary. i think everyone was scared to pull because there was fear as to whether everything had actually healed...but it had. and there WAS NO anesthesia, but oddly, it wasnt needed. things are so so so much better.

all in all, weekend was good. and now starts the super intense non stop studying time!

it may seem like i only write on this thing when i am depressed, but thats not true.

i am ALWAYS depressed.

i'm self-diagnosing mild depressive disorder and self-prescribing an SSRI. <sigh>

i am taking boards in a few months and i am so scared. i am tired of studying, and stressing. i am so so tired of lack of concern. whats the rule? the golden one? treat others as you wish to be treated or something like that? yeah. where the hell is that rule?

<sigh> i need that SSRI stat. back to studying...

...and i just feel myself slipping into a deep bout of depression...and i dont think i can stop it this time.

what makes a good relationship? and how do you know when someone genuinely cares for you?

i guess you have to be attracted to someone first right? either to their looks or their personality...or both. attraction plus i guess good convorsation and good laughs...all those are great things...but then what? you date someone but then what? how do you know when things are supposed to go to the next level? and what is the next level?

should you have to change for someone? if the person you care about and who cares about you hates something about you...should you change? or should that person comprimise? or, should they not have hated it in the first place?

and whats more important...someone who makes you so happy you cant even understand, a guy who makes you laugh everyday and loves to talk to you or a guy who is willing to do anything to keep you as his own...someone who cares about you so much that he will do anything to convince you that you should be with him...

to all girls...or guys...who have ever had their heart broken and are now finally pieced back together: this time around, get what you want. place your order, and wait till it comes out, if its not perfect, feel free to send it back....dont settle for cold, soggy or messed up food...cause chances are, you probably deserve exactly what you want....what you ordered.

i am bored. today is a slow day on hem/onc.

guys are different around their friends. i have realized this...ohhh well.

i think i might be going home this weekend, i am homesick, i need outta KCMO stat.